Every conversation I have with people the first question is “Are you an alcoholic?” I can’t say yes fast enough. The reason is because I caught on to the game. If you say no you’re an alcoholic. I clip the blue wire right away. I don’t care if it blows up or if it defuses the bomb but I’m not gonna stand there going uhhhh uuhhhh and they’re going “sounds like an alcoholic to me.” Because 85% is a dick. 85% of all drunks are dicks and 85% of all sober people are dicks. And you meet less sober people than drunks. So if you’re drunk and you meet a sober person, 85% chance you’re going to have a fucking bad time. Because you don’t meet that many and 85% of them are dicks and a sober dick is somebody who gets as much identity from being sober as a drunk gets out of being drunk. You met them when you were drunk, you met them when they were drunk, ALCOHOL WAS THEIR LIFE. AH I’M A DRUNK. I LOVE BEING DRUNK LETS DRINK AHHH. And then they find Jesus or they get sober and then it’s like I’M SOBER. AH ARE YOU SOBER? I’M SOBER.